You take the leap. You don't expect it's going to be easy, and it isn't. But you're finding that as you go further down the road, it feels more like a rabbit hole. You were so sure it was what you wanted. Why do you feel so confused? Why does it feel so uncomfortable?
Following your tug is never wrong; however, like prayer, it sometimes shows up in ways you don't expect.
I have a tug log (some people call it their bucket list). There are many things I want to do in my lifetime, I mean REALLY want to do, but once I do one thing or another, sometimes it feels like the 'doing' fulfills my tug completely. I have no desire to pursue it further.
For example, I was so sure I would become a potter. I love using my hands, I love the idea of working with clay, feeling the earth between my fingers truly called to me. I was convinced that not only would I enjoy it, but that I'd be good at it. That's how strong my tug was. After years of having this tug, I finally decided to take a pottery class. I was so excited. I showed up ready to learn, ready to get dirty, ready to dig deep and get creative. It was much harder than I thought it would be. I was surprised that I didn't take to the rhythm of the wheel. It was rather awkward. By the end of the 6-week session, my tug had petered out. I was glad for the experience and I was very happy to have fostered a true appreciation of the process... but mostly I was thrilled to tick it off my list. Every time I see a beautiful piece of earthenware, I am full of admiration. Nothing was lost. I gained a real perspective about a craft I thought I understood. I gained a new perspective about myself: I was not a potter. I didn't give up because it was difficult rather because the energy that had built up over many years... the thought that was swirling in my head had simply dissipated... I had fulfilled my tug and it was over. I could move onto my next tug. That in itself was liberating.
Not all tugs are catalysts for meaningful, long-term transformation. Sometimes they're merely leading you to new experiences, pushing you to face your resistance or to teach you a little something about yourself or about others.
So why follow your tug if it doesn't always lead you to some earth-shattering conversion? Because, weeding out what you don't want is as important as sowing the seeds for what you do. And, it removes the regret quotient, too. Just by ticking it off your list of things you want to do can be self-empowering. Every time you add to the "I did that" bucket, you're one tug closer to living your life by design, with intention.
Then again, I've wanted to write a book since I was a little girl. So when I wrote my book "Following my tug... all the way to Costa Rica!" I felt I had truly realized a significant tug. Even while I was writing my book, I was thinking of the second and third book I would write. Writing has always been who I am at soul level and it's my preferred choice of communication so I don't think it's going away anytime soon. However, what I didn't expect was where it would lead me. After writing my book, something awoke in me: the need to help other women. Following my tug and writing my book opened me up to a whole new, surprising tug I wasn't aware lay dormant within me... but once ignited, sparks flew.
Had I ignored my first tug, I would have perhaps missed my second entirely. So you see, I quite like the rabbit hole because if I let it, it leads me to my life's big wonderland adventure.
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